Do You Want the Found Money or Dont You?

I can’t decide if this is funny or sad, or both?

I walked into Walgreens Pharmacy to see if they had a type of slipper I bought as a gift last year which was met with enthusiasm. They did not have them.

As I was looking in another spot in the store, one of the women that work there came over to me. “Did you drop any money?” And she is holding a ten dollar bill. “It was found near where you were just looking at some merchandise.” I did not drop any money that I knew of, but, I hedged and hesitated, saying, “I’m not sure, I don’t think so.”

Damn, there was a loud voice in my head, so loud I was having a hard time thinking. “Take the money, take the money. Put your god damn hand out and take the bill. You don’t even have to keep it. Give some to the Salvation Army man you like and play lotto with the rest. Take the money. Don’t be silly, you don’t have to think about this, it is a no brainer.”

The other voice, “Maybe someone who really needs it dropped it and will come looking for it. It is only ten dollars. You want to play lotto? Go play with your own money. And give a few dollars to the Salvation Army. Or a few more since you already gave some.”

Again the first voice, “Maybe it is a sign and it is a lucky ten dollars and you are being guided to play the lotto. Don’t be stupid, take the money.”

“Yeah and maybe, just maybe, John Quinones is filming a ‘What would you do’ segment. Let it be. Go. Plus, imagine how you would feel if you did hit the lotto and it wasn’t your money?”

“Are you kidding? Guilt? You are neurotic. You have issues.”

There was a pause and some serious debating how I would actually feel if I did hit the lotto with found money. I think I would get over any bad feelings. I would give a lot of it away anyway. Blah, blah, blah. Hell, who am I kidding? Finders, keepers.

I even almost walked back into the store after walking out, to claim the ten dollars. I didn’t. But I wanted to. How sad. What is it about found money that is so alluring? What if it was five ten dollar bills? Make any difference? Hmm, could go either way. I can hear the voices getting heated with that one.

And the final word came from the take-the-money voice, “Maybe that was your ten dollars after all. Wouldn’t that be a kick? Maybe you need to write your name on all the cash in your wallet?”

Neal Harvey … good night.