Poem – Alone Or A Part

I wrote this on what would have been my mom’s 95th birthday, but is it to her? I don’t know. Is it to mother earth? I don’t know. Is is about being so lonely at moments it is excruciatingly painful? Is it a mix of things and feelings and thoughts? That much is certain.

Happy Birthday Mom


Alone Or A Part



brief moments of time

do I merge with the ONE

at such times I lose MY SELF

I am larger than I

Which is an ALL

And for that brief moment

I lose my sense of separate

Deep loneliness and ache for that womb

That loving dependent symbiosis where

My blood is your blood

I breathe the blood you share and

It feeds me food and oxygen

Then in a violent event I am separated

The loss so great

I long all my life deep down

For that connection

For brief moments

In a friend, a love, in nature, in art, in music, in orgasm,

I feel a connection with ALL

At times the ache so all encompassing

The anguish so total that to feel it

Completely would kill me

And so I mask it under layers

For if I embraced it

And called it by name

Surely I would perish

And the one reminder

Of my still symbiotic bond

Is my breath (my belly button an ancient relic).

Like the fish to amphibian to air breather

I must breath I must continue to fill and empty

My lungs, gills that filter out the oxygen

In this sea of air we swim in

I swim in, any one of us still alive swims in

Each one of us must breathe,

If someone were to poison my air surely I would die.

It is the sea of life

I swim in the sea and must breathe the water

The water is now my air

Poison my air and you poison me

We have been poisoning ourselves

And we struggle to cure cancer and fight its ravages

An entire industry based on this struggle

Our air, our water, our food, all tainted by our own poisons

And we wonder why our cells become aberrations

That proliferate and no longer follow protocol for cell behavior,


We could reduce cancer significantly by restoring our planet

Remind me what we are too busy doing to address the problems?

Short sighted self-interests?

But surely I have digressed

From an ache so deep I can barely see more than darkness

A fleck of starlight ten thousand light years away

A universe so infinite that forever is not enough to hold it

And yet for those few moments when I feel that vast

Where I expand and lose my ME and melt into the ALL

For those moments I live

For that hug so warm I feel my breath move with yours

I feel your chest rise and fall

Your heart beat against me

I feel your tear run down my cheek

And you wipe mine with your lips

For those moments I live

I give

And breathe

And hope

And love.