My Anniversary – Dear Emilee Letter And Poem

Dear Emilee,

You will be happy to know that I got you a balloon, and something else too but I will tell you in private. I am just seeing Maryann’s note and that is bringing on tears. Okay…focus….lol…not exactly my forte all the time, but I have gotten better since you are gone. I had to. You used to focus for me.

So your card is out on the counter, and yes, of course I could not wait a year to read it, but I am sure you already knew that…and yes, it did help to read it early, but it hurt and it helped at the same time…..that is a good thing….better than just hurting.

Your card was beautiful….. you had such a wonderful way of writing your thoughts and emotions, and I remember when we used to write emails back and forth and pour our hearts out to each other. Sometimes one of us would just listen, and I liked that. Whoever was talking could really feel like they were heard and understood. I felt good whether I was doing the listening, or the talking. We had something special. I miss you. I miss you so much. I miss the love and the special connection. I miss my friend.

I kept myself busy today….very very focused…You would be happy that I cleaned the car. I cleaned the outside of the car with spray cleaner and polish, did the wheels, the sidewall of the tires, and the weatherstripping on all the doors, the mud flaps, and the inside front console, all the inside doors, all the windows inside and out, rainx’d the windows, and cleaned the mats. I just have to vacuum, and will do that another day. And, NO, I did NOT armorall the floor mats and the seats like you did that one time….one slippery experience was enough, thank you.

I kept myself totally occupied with that. I filled the bird feeders. I gave our lady letter carrier her Christmas present, you would like her, she is our new person as of two months ago, and when she started she introduced herself.

I am staying connected with our families. You would be pleased with all that I have stepped up to this year, very pleased. I have lost a good inch or so in my height, but I have grown and stretched myself this year. I am sure you are smiling because I can feel your face close by and I can hear you whispering. The outside of the house and the tree are sharing light and delight of this season that was so special to you.

I guess an anniversary poem is in order…

A year since our last
and I cry already on this second line
last year’s was so achingly special
and the memory’s still present after all this time
it seems like forever though a heart broken knows not days or years
and it would be senseless to try and count all the tears

I am sure you were hugging me and telling me it would be all right
I felt you and knew you would just hold me tight
You told me to just breathe like I told you so many nights
when you woke from a dream that paralyzed you with fright
Now you are all healed and hear music that is sweet
and my heart heals its scars because you bandaged it so neat

I love you and miss you but I have learned to be conscious at last
stay present and not linger on the future or past (I am a work in progress)
the memories most sweet are the ones I hold dear
and I will get you your balloon and burn a candle each year
to honor your loving heart and make sure that you see
I will always carry your love inside of me
Also I will share it just as you would have me do
and will open my heart’s love as a gift to the world from you

To my dearest Emilee, Happy Anniversary
All my love, Love Neal      May you breathe IN peace with every breath you are blessed to take