Day 26, Melancholy? Poem, Someone’s Spouse is Dying; Song on Facebook

okay……Day 26….I am doing my best to Not get washed over with the same Melancholy that happens at the end of August and returns with the end of September….I am trying to stay in the present and not the future or the past…. but NOT SO EASY….especially if it is something I am accustomed to doing
Someone told me their spouse, was diagnosed a month or so ago with very end stage pancreatic cancer, and after one round of chemo, decided he did not want to spend the little time he had left going through such indignities such as uncontrollable diarrhea, and all the rest, and I believe they are dealing with the end of life stage at the moment.
I know this poem has unrealistically compressed grief, but that is okay, and I realize that a person will tenaciously cling to that person’s love until they find the space and the healing and the reluctant desire to honor them by unselfishly “giving it away” (the love) to others who need love. 
If you want to find my song, Beautiful Person, look on Facebook for today’s date, Neal Klein (the Neal Klein with my grandson resting on me, as there are other Neal Klein’s, I have noticed)
what do you say
when your spouse decides
chemo is, too rough a ride
and only buys too little time
you hope you shared
your last goodbyes
you already said
so many words
you never thought
you’d have to say
now it’s time
for meds to dull
the pain you need
you need to lull
you both fear the end
since you don’t really know
what that is like
but it’s time to go
the time is near
you lie down with
and get so close
you want to be
within his skin
you’re holding hands
the fear just fades
and there’s this peace
from another place
that someone made
no space no time
you float in place
and feel peace
wash over his face
amidst the pain
that tears your heart
you sense his joy
as he departs
as he journeys with
and you’re now alone
you feel full
full of his peace
and then a cyclone hits
and you feel wrenched
right off your feet
like your gut’s
been cut out complete
and as the pain
that is your grief
overtakes your soul
there’s no relief
it’s your first step
toward the distant light
the journey of
from death to life
the phoenix will
take to flight
inside your soul
you have his love
he feeds to you
from above
now yours to share
with all still here
that’s how we honor
his memory
and how he now lives
inside our hearts
and how we must give
his love away
to all those
who need love
in any way
but that comes later
for now you will cling
to his love as
your life ring
to help you float
so you don’t drown
as the waves knock you down
you don’t want to, but you will
get up again and again and again
because he would want you to
and that is your deepest strength
when you don’t have
any left

Neal Klein
Life After Emilee, on the loss of my wife to pancreatic cancer. I’m not accepting comments right now but please feel free to get in touch via my Contact page.