A Whole Bunch of Shit on Shit (Okay, The Scoop on Poop, better?)

As i continue to age, one of the very noticeable changes has been that often times, i have to expend an extreme amount of effort to produce a limited quantity of poop …

the expenditure is totally disproportionate (ridiculous contortions, drastic breathing and blood pressure changes enough to produce a stroke) to the results (a tiny hard poop pellet hardly worth its weight or the pain it causes) … and it seems downright unfair…

i have discussed this with the poop gods, who seem aloof and unmoved by my passionate pleas for some sort of fairness (lubrication, or improved efficacy of the miralax i take daily), as they ignore my loud groans of effort, and it all continues to fall on deaf ears.

There is a quote lurking in all this… something to do with… “The amount of effort expended does not always yield an equivalent amount of results”…Or, “Sometimes when the outcome is miniscule, keep trying, you never know how close behind is the mother load.”

Or, “Eventually shit will happen.” Yeah, yeah, I know, not a very succinct quote. No real gems yet. What do you want at four thirty in the morning, a Forest Gump gem like “Shit happens?” What about “Shit doesn’t always happen, even when you want it to?” Now we are starting to cook. I can feel some hot shit coming.

Or, perhaps, “Shit happens when it is ready to happen, no matter what I do.” I think I am getting warmer now. How about, “Sometimes, shit is a real pain in the ass.” Or maybe, “Shit is always lurking around the corner.” “Shit, you can’t hide forever, sooner or later you have to come out.”

I could go on, but I really “should” go back to sleep. Okay, I will stop shitting around, and I will refrain from “shoulding” on myself. And, I will try to get my should together, I mean my shit together. Or at least get rid of some of my shit. Hmmmm, “Getting rid of my shit isn’t always easy.” “Unloading my shit isn’t easy” “Shit happens when and where it wants to, so learn to go with the flow.” “If you are scared shitless, learn to fly by the seat of your poopy pants.” I did that a lot when Em was sick.

Okay, okay, going back to bed, or for a bike ride.

Neal Harvey… good shit. I mean good day. Shit, it is getting light out already. “Good shit happens to those who wait”……..”If you want good shit, you have to go after it”……..??????

P.S. If you go after the shit you want, sometimes you get it and sometimes you don’t. If you don’t try, you will forever be shitless (or, full of shit). If you don’t go after the shit you want, you will never know and always wonder, what might have happened if I had reached for it?… Now there is a double meaning for you, and me. Imagery and imagination. Awesome.

nmitchk@aol.com